Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
What i'm wearing: Sweater - H&M, Pants - Express, Shoes - Good Fellow
"A Million Dreams"
Here we are. It's another week where i'm about to go under the knife. Weeks ago I couldn't even get a surgery date. Now that I have one, time seems to be speeding up. First and foremost, I'm not scared for this operation. I'm already a pro at surgery. I am however hesitant and nervous about the weeks and months following this surgery. Every night I lie in bed, the brightest colors fill my head. Now after I finish up my walk on this path, how do I bring the colors of a million dreams to life. My concern for this upcoming surgery is the aftermath. Just because new Dom Baza is more open than before doesn't mean nerves don't hit him . Let me tell you, I think new Dom Baza has more at stake than old DB. I know what I want. People say go and get what you want and take it, it is just not that simple. I wish it was. But at least this can be a starting point for the continuation of my liberty walk.
For the past 2 weeks I have been frantically wrapping up shoots, prepping posts, outlining videos and covers, and securing collabs for my eventual return to reality. I didn't think it was possible, but we somehow shot 2 months worth of outfits in 2 weeks over the course of 2 Sundays. Longer days, but I knew I needed to get them shot so I have more me time during the next few weeks. I have a few days til surgery number 6. Who would have thought 4 years ago I would end up having 6 surgeries by 2018. That is nuts! I never thought that. I thought it was just going to be the one and done. Much to my dismay, I know when it is time to go under. It is now time for me to go under once again. I've been so busy that It honestly didn't even hit me that I'm going in for surgery on Friday. I sat alone for a bit and got emotional af. I can't believe the journey I have been on these last few years. Now that I'm seeing more of who I used to be combined with who i have become, it's a little bittersweet to be going through a transformative period and have this be apart of it. Everyone has been leaving me the nicest comments about new DB. I mean, I think I have posted a selfie on IG every week since breaking that barrier. Dom Baza posting a non professional, non photo shoot picture? That is unheard of!.. lol. My partner even digs this me a lot more. Isn't that something? Someone has become a little more protective of their property, haha. All jokes aside, it is bittersweet but uplifting to showcase who I am and who I see myself as. When I look in the mirror I don't see that weak prick who got torn down again and again. I see a man who is doing the best that he can with the scars from battle. My best friends have been telling me to live in the moment and wing it, wing it all as I go along. I've always been one to plan. Somehow my plans have gone to hell over these past years. So maybe they are right! It is time to wing this shit show and make it the most glamours mess the world has seen. Like I said I got emotional thinking about the millions of dreams I have and the past that I am honoring. I did a radio interview before I got sick. This was one week before I went to Miley's concert and all of hell happened. The interviewer asked me what is your 10 year plan? My reply was something like, 6 albums in, a grammy, etc. That is all true, but there was always more to that plan. Yes, I wanted to be 6 albums in, I still do. A grammy would be nice, but i'm not desperate, If i'm meant to get one, then i'll leave that in god's hands. I wanted to move to New York after I wrapped up touring for Let The Music Be Your Guide. I wanted to go there and record my 3rd album by 2016 and live there for awhile. Maybe find a guy or girl I could settle down with. Be on a path with my career and build the foundation for the house with the white picket fence and the 2 or 3 kids running around the yard. God, that is something that I still want, badly. Just because I am 23 in a few weeks does not make me too young to dream this way. I very much so dream about marriage and a family. Families aren't perfect, I know that all too well, but I want the chance to have my own. I see glimpses of that 10 year plan scattered through my life right now. There is little bits and pieces but nothing as clear as what I described up there. What would I like now? What are my current millions of dreams?
Well... I want to love you. I want to hold you. I want to sing my heart out and write every emotion i'm feeling and pour that into music or stories. I want to take this journey of mine and boost the level of importance that needs to raised for Glaucoma and every illness that needs a cure, the LGBT community, racism, violence. I want to expand this platform and make the world my stage in whatever way possible. I want to travel the world and experience different cultures. I want to be with my friends overseas or where ever the hell they travel to. I want to tell other peoples stories. I want to see how I can relate to them on a personal level and build up the importance of their journey, because each and every one of us can inspire each other. I want kids. 2 or 3, just like I said. I want to get married. Marriage is something I take very seriously. You know I dream of having a damn ring on my finger. To be able to say this is my life partner, to make vows that I will cherish and keep close to my heart... Yes, yes, yes. I want to grow old with you, Fall asleep with you, wake up with you, stand next to you, take your hand and dance with you under every moonlight. I want a cure for this disease. As I type these next words I have tears streaming down my face. I. want. a. cure. I want a cure so I can see all of this come to life. I want a cure so I know all the restless nights spent dreaming were worth it. I want a cure to see the beauty that can come from broken. I want a cure not just for me, but for every boy, girl, man and woman who desperately wishes to see once again. I want a cure for every illness that enters our body and demolishes us from the inside out. That is what I want. Those are my millions of dreams. Will I get all of them? I don't know. I can't plan that anymore. I wish I could. All I can do is keep living and keep dreaming. However big, however small, I just want you and everyone that I love to be apart of it all.
When the story resumes in real time next month, we'll see where I am. What state of mind I am in. Next up is some "Blitzkrieg Bop" vibes. I need a light story based on past events to even out my heavy emotions. So thats where i'm headed as writer. But after that, I don't know. The outfits are shot, but my thoughts aren't with them yet. I wish I could plan it out, but i'll wing it like I have been for these past few weeks. I'm about to go get a drill up my eye, hooray for that! I don't want to know what kind of pain I will be in, but i'm a fighter. Like my heroes that I look up to, they all fight for themselves and the people they inspire. Why do you think I like comics so much? All in all, as I do my best to remain calm, i'm going to shut off this macbook and lay here. I'm going to dream about my millions of dreams. I may be right and I may be wrong, but i will bring you along as my story goes on.
Photographer: Joanna Wheeler
2 Years In My Life: Chapter 6