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"God Is Standing By" (feat. TikTok)
It is my mom's 61st birthday. Another year of life for this mother of mine. You can say I am more than grateful to call her my mom. We have been through a lot together. From before birth and now as adults. I've been thinking a lot about my mom. I mean I see her basically everyday, but I'm constantly reminded that one day that will not be the case. Everything I am is because of her. I have traits of both her and my dad, but my mom and I are so similar. I really have been thinking hard about her especially since my best friend Dan just recently lost his mom. Him and his mom were very close. He took care of her all the way. Man, my heart just breaks because here I am celebrating my mom's 61st special day and his is no longer here. My one good eye opened wider than before because of the man I saw Dan become over these last few months and the man he always was with his mom. In a way it has brought me closer to my mom, if that is even possible. Like I said, we are really similar. Seeing Dan go through this path has really affected me. We take for granted our parents thinking that they will always be here. But like my mom always says, you have got to learn what i'm trying to teach you, because we won't always be here. I hate to think that way. It's not a joke to me and i'm willing to step up to the plate for whatever may be needed in the future. I have always tried to be a good son, people always say that I am.... but as I get older I want to be a better son, better than the good I already am.
I owe my mom the world. She gave me my world. I'm just trying to figure out how to live in it. She says since I was in her womb, she would always play music for me. My love of music, my greatest gift, came from her love of music, and that angelic and strong voice she has. I don't give her enough credit. My mom is an incredible vocalist. She can sing circles around you, she can sing circles around me if she wanted to. She has always been a woman of power. You try to mess with her and she takes you down like a savage, but with so much grace. My mom has always been by myside. Our relationship may seem perfect, but it's not. All children have their faults with their parents. We sure have had our share. But we always come back to each other. My mom raised me on music, respect, love, strength, honor, and faith. She is very religious, not the crazy kind, but she prays a lot. I get that from her too. She always says church is important. If you have time to go out and watch a movie, you have time to go church for an hour of your week. She thought us to believe in the power of prayer and that the power can help you during your darkest times. All the hell my mom had to put up with and some that she still has to put up with... I don't know how she does it. This woman is not superwoman, yet she wakes up at 4am gets things ready for my dad and robert to head off to work, prays, does whatever important things she may need take care of, take care of all of us including the grandkids and grand doggies and gets all this done by 11pm so she can get a little rest. I don't know how she does it. I try my best to wrap my head around it and shadow her so I can take her ways and put it into my daily routine. So far I have failed, but I hope I can catch on one day. Because if there is one thing I have learned, it is so hard to be a mother. Yes, it is hard to be a father... But the woman does a lot of work. We have to give credit where credit is due. For 23 years this woman has been with me from my first steps, to my first day of school, first time on stage, first album, first blog incarnation, the day I woke up and could not see, the day I got diagnosed, the day I fell to the ground and couldn't get back up, to now, me getting up and walking and once again taking my first baby steps. There are too many moments of my life that I could point out and tell you this was more special than the other. Because they are all special in my heart. One thing I have taken from my mom is this song called "God Is Standing By". I live by those words now. The night she left me in my apartment in LA, she told me to listen and learn her favorite song ever. A song called, "God is standing by" by Al Green. I can't begin to describe the emotions I felt as I listened to the lyrics. It was Al Green's voice with my mom's morals. It is my mom in song form. When I hear it everything and every one of those special moments come to life. Including the bad dark moments. Because every single one of them is a lesson that made me, me. When I got sick I would listen to this song every night. I'd put my headphones on and do my best to have some sort of strength. I didn't want to get out of bed most mornings, but my mom helped me up. I often see people my age or people that are older stray away from their parents when they get old, gray and sick. I grew up performing in nursing homes and i've seen what life is like for the people in there. Their kids decide that their own life is more important than their parents lives. So they dump them on other people to take care of them. My mom always jokes, you are gonna take care of me when I get older right? I always say HELL NO, someone else will.. This is all a joke because that someone else will be me. I don't understand how you can just leave your parents stranded like that. That is your mom or your dad. They took care of you, the least you can do is take care of them in return. I saw Dan do that. I had to listen to all his pain and sorrow that he was feeling and now he is in grief mode. He has all rights to be, because he did what a son should. He stood by his mother and took care of her, as she took care of him. He went above and beyond and put parts of his life on hold to take care of her. Witnessing that made me realize more than ever, that I would do the same thing in a heartbeat. I would give my mom the world she gave me and make it better for her. I wouldn't want to just dump her somewhere when she is worth more than that. In the end I alway go back to "God Is Standing By". I've seen my mom in her strongest moments and her weakest moments. As she get's older I see the song she gave me come to life more and more. I see our relationship mirror in other sons and daughters, with their mothers. I am grateful that I can sit here and write in my diary about how grateful I am to still have my mom. If I could share a piece of that with Dan to bring back his, I would. I really would. But I can't do that. Sometimes we have to let things be. My mom always says keep moving forward. Keep moving forward, no matter what happens. So what I have to say about Dan and his grief, is god is standing by, my friend. When you have trouble don't cry, don't worry, don't ever be discouraged, you just gotta know he is standing by. He is and even if she is not there in person, she's right in your heart. My mom may be here in person, but wherever I go in life, she is always with me. In a weird way we share a voice. Everything that I am, is because of her, there is no denying that.
Tonight we celebrated my mom's sweet 16. What a party to remember. We are Catholic so we celebrate Our Lady Of Fatima in honor of my mom's special day. We have been doing this since 2001. Every single year the parties get bigger and bigger. Tonight I led the rosary and the music just for my mom. Seeing everyone feel every feel and being one with the family, meant the world to all of us. My mom has an important legacy and place within our Chamorro community. Let's just say, she's royalty to everyone, because she truly is. So many people continuously tell me, you are just like your mom, Dom. That is my greatest trait. Tonight feeling every emotion one could feel, I just feel so honored to call her my mom. This was her last big bday party. After 17 years of doing this, we won't be continuing next year. It is a lot of hard work for everyone and it's time that mom gets a break from her own birthday. It was beautiful way to end a beautiful tradition within our family. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
As children no matter how grateful we are, we take our parents for granted. That is why no matter how good I am, I want to be better. My mom always has to rise above and beyond and I will always do my best to rise above and beyond for her. She has thought me, that no matter what life brings to us, don't ever forget it's all gonna be okay. Keep moving forward because god is standing by. Thank you lord. Thank you mom. I am gonna be honest, i have tears coming down my face as I wrap this up. Because I know you better than most people ever will. I know my mom and i'm sorry that I can't give you the world you deserve right now, but I promise I will one day. I won't be discouraged and as much as I want to keep crying, I won't. I'm so lucky you brought me into this world to have best friends and role models like Dan. I'm so lucky you brought me into this world to make it a better place. You couldn't follow your dream, so I guess that was passed on to me to carry through. I will, and I will make sure everyone knows, it is all because of you. Happy birthday, Mama. We are so blessed to celebrate another year of your life surrounded by our family that you have built through faith... and let's face it savagery, lol. Slay always and show these people who Merl freaking Baza is.
I love you peppa aka mom.
Photographer: Courtney Johnson
What i'm wearing: Jacket - Forever 21, Polo - Boss, Jeans - Good Fellow, Shoes - H&M
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
2 Years In My Life: Chapter 8