What I'm Wearing: Blazer - H&M, White Button Down Shirt - Calvin Klein, Suit Pants - Good Fellow, Shoes - Perry Ellis
“Maybe I’m Amazed (a tribute to the Fifty Shades Saga)”
Why in the world would I talk about the Fifty Shades saga? Well, I myself could not believe how much I grew to love the books, films, and music over the past 5 years. I was working on my last record “Let The Music Be Your Guide” and was told I should spice things up in my songwriting. So I was given a copy of E L James first book “Fifty Shades Of Grey”. I knew the book was popular amongst many woman.. and a few men like myself who admit to reading the books. I found myself mesmerized in Ana and Christian’s world. Not the red room, but the genuine love story between the 2 of them. I just loved how Ana wanted more out of Christian. I loved how she could see the man he could become if he let down his guard and tried. Sure, there is the whole S&M aspect, but there was just something that drew me to these characters. I can’t explain it, but somehow I felt this story mirror my life a little. Especially now being in a relationship. It’s interesting to feel some of the feelings Ana felt trying to breakthrough to Christian. She fell in love with this complex man and never gave up on him. I relate to that 100%. If you are in love with someone and know they are capable of so much more, you never give up hope. You can’t help it, the heart wants what it wants.
I feel like I have let down my guard regarding my personal life. I’m not one to chat about it 24/7, but I can’t leave it off these pages. It is apart of my story and I must honor my complete journey within these pages of my life. Fifty Shades Freed just came out on Thursday evening and honestly I got emotional. I followed this series closely over the last 5 years and as much as the sex was apparent in certain scenes, I looked beyond that. My brother Jamie and I just had a convo about this yesterday. He said some people would judge and look at these films as something men and woman can get off to. In the other hand my brother and I look at these films as a story. Sex is a human thing, everyone does it. It just happens to be a plot point in these stories. E L James and her Fifty Shades saga helped me tremendously as a songwriter. I read Fifty Shades Of Grey and ended up writing 3 songs right off the bat. “Finally me”, “Bedroom Eyes”, and “Satisfied With My Love”. “Finally Me” ended up on “Let The Music Be Your Guide”, it was the more pg-13 vibe that I needed at the time. So that is why it was the one that was selected for my last record. At the time my audience was teenagers and young kids. Now I have the advantage of being in the adult demographic of 25-34 and beyond, so I am a little more comfortable promoting adult franchises like this now. You know I cannot blame Ana for falling in love with Christian. I get it, I’m living through some of her experiences now. Sometimes we fall for complicated people with complicated pasts. Sometimes our partners close off on us because it is easier for them to not talk about it with the person they are in love with. Ana saw Christian as a prince charming type, but with a fucked up mind. In her heart she knew no matter how much she could/would continuously get hurt, she wanted this man. She wanted to be there for this man and all his flaws. It kind of reminds me of Beauty and The Beast but without the physical beast. Ana saw the man behind the beast. Christian has his selective tastes in a lot of things (if you know what I mean), but every time they tried to let go of each other, something kept pulling them back together. In 2013 I admired that and respected Ana for never giving up on the man she fell in love with. In 2017 I felt first hand what this woman was thinking in her head. My P closes off a lot. If i’m being honest I feel like i’m still learning more and more about P each day. We both have a complicated past and we both have people who try to demolish all the good in our lives. Through every truth and every lie, I just can’t let P go. I understand Ana and the choices she made in her relationship with Christian. Christian was a lonely man with a damaged soul, Ana changed that all. I feel like Christian was scared to let her in because of all the bad he has endured. He was afraid of the way he loved Ana cause he knew he didn't want to loose this woman. I have to think about those thoughts when thinking about my relationship and the way things may be sometimes.
In reality, there is million men and woman just like Christian Grey out there in the world somewhere. Sometimes they come into our lives and do some serious damage. No matter the damage, we can’t help the fact that we are attracted to it. Ana may have not seemed damaged, but I know apart of her was. Damaged souls fall for damaged souls and together they can make something beautiful. Together they can bring out the best in each other. Ana brought out the best of Christian in every way. I try my best to bring out the best of P in every way. I feel like we bring out the best parts of ourselves together. Relationships are a climb, sometimes it feels like it is "Never Enough" . It takes two to truly make it work. When one doesn’t open up and tell the truth, it is just not going to work. If you are determined like me and Ana, you know you can find a way to breakthrough to the person you love. If you believe in it, then it will be possible with time. Thanks Ana for being that friend/ guidance, even if it was just a book. As I read the ending 5 years ago and watched the ending of Fifty Shades Freed, I felt that uplifting spirit that no matter what happens, if you love someone and every shade that they may be, if it is true you’ll always find a way to the climax of the story. I am man who is in the middle of something, I was a lonely man, but with you, even though you think it may not seem this way, you are helping me understand.
Photographer: Joanna Wheeler
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
2 Years In My Life: Chapter 5