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What I'm Wearing: Shirt - H&M, Suit Pants - Dockers, Shoes - Good Fellow, Watch - Vincero Bellwether Silver + White (USE MY CODE MRDOMBAZA15 TO GET 15% OFF YOUR NEXT ORDER)
For Mama Nell.
There is only 2 more weeks of summer left and the goodbyes are already starting. People that I love are moving on to their next chapters and some to a completely new storybook. Time is now speeding up and the leaves are beginning to fall in San Fran. I'm holding onto every second and praying that my vincero watch doesn't speed up. One of our family members is moving onto a new chapter, not just that, but a completely new story. I can't help but feel emotional because it feels like this is her ending point in my story. This is where Mama Nell will exit off the train that i'm riding going through life. Jenell Mesa Salas is a hybrid of a sister, cousin, and aunt to me. I call her Mama Nell. When I was younger I gave her that name cause she was and still is one of the baddest bitches out there. I just can't come to terms that she won't be nearby any more. When we need her, she finds a way to be here. Now she's moving to a completely new state to start a brand new life. I guess when you start to get older, you just never imagined how hard it would be to start letting go of the people you love. I thought I did that when I moved to LA, but then I got sick and stuck here, and now that everyone is going on to new things and new adventures, I'm starting to see even if I have let go to something, it's much harder to let go, when you have been holding onto so tight to much more important things and people, like family.
Mama Nell has been my partner in crime at family parties, my performances, drives with the windows down, every holiday, you name it. There is not one event that I can think of that Mama Nell did not make the whole room laugh. She's the life of the party. To have the party move somewhere else seems so poetic, because now more family will get to enjoy her beautiful heart. To be honest, i'm pretty shocked that she is moving, but i'm not surprised. If anyone in this world deserves a brand new start, it's her and Uncle Joe. She has been through a lot during her time here in California. I don't blame her for wanting a reboot. She deserves a happy ending, but not only that, she deserves her happy beginning. Last Christmas was one of the most beautiful days I have ever had. I felt like every Christmas was leading up to last Christmas. Honestly, I now know why. Because that was the start of an ending point for Mama Nell and the family. That will be our last Christmas together as a family. It felt like an ending, like a well earned ending. It was not the ending of my story, but a nice little ending to a chapter that has lead us to today, the day that Mama Nell moves away. I remember I was 15 years old and I had just done a Christmas performance, Mama Nell took us in her van on Christmas Eve and we each had one shot. Yes we drank, but it was still very innocent. It was riveting and one of the most memorable moments of my teenage years, not because I just had a shot, but the feeling of love within my family, it warms my little sappy heart. Because in that moment, I will never forget how much my heart felt loved and happy to be surrounded by people that I love and to hear Mama Nell's laugh in the front seat of her red mini van, it's something i'll always remember. Just last year I went on a drive with Mama Nell after another show and we just talked the whole way home about life. How hard it is and the good moments in between. I let Mama Nell and Uncle Joe see me during some of my darkest days, i'll never forget that, seeing them see me use my cane and just be in a state of mind that was so sad. I was so sad. But Mama Nell and her crazy ways, was always able to make me cheer up during those darkest days. She was there when I first started my career, and she was there to cheer me on after I took the world's longest break when I got sick. These are things I will never forget. It feels like time has just flown by way too fast and I just thought it would never end. But i'm okay with it ending, if that means Mama Nell will get a 2nd chance to do it all right. She deserves it and I know whatever happens, we'll always be here for her, i'll always be here. Because we are family, and family sticks together, even from afar.
So to Mama Nell, I write to you in my diary - Thank you. Thank you for loving our family, being here for us, supporting me with everything I do, for all the laughs, all the tears, all the feels, all the random dancing, and the fun in between. I'm really really going to miss you. But fret not, because time is just numbers. One day our paths will meet up in life again. For now, you gotta move forward, and don't look back. Keep your eyes open and remember when times get hard, think of all the good times that we had, because I will be, we all will. I can change my hair and I can change my clothes, but thinking of you will always take me back home. Go live your best life, live a beautiful one. As our Mama Merl, your first lady always says to us, her kids, god is standing by. Never forget.
I love you Mama Nell.
Photographer: Courtney Johnson & Dom Baza
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
2 Years In My Life: Chapter 7