What i'm wearing: Jacket - Levis, T shirt - Good Fellow, Pants - Good Fellow, Shoes - Giorgio Brutini, Bandana - Denim & Flower
"Next To Me"
Happy Easter. It is the time of year where we can bloom from the darkness. Winter is gone and the sun in the sky is starting to warm up our skin. As I begin to walk the walk of this newer version of me, i'm doing my best to learn how to talk the talk. Just as I was beginning to do that I got a phone call today regarding my next eye surgery. I was under the assumption I would have to wait 3 months to get this done. A miracle somehow happened and my surgery got moved up 3 months and 2 weeks. Meaning i'm going in for surgery in 2 weeks on April 13th. I could have easily said no, give me another day, but I want this out of my way so I can truly explore what new DB is capable of. This page originally had another storyline, but that can wait. I feel like being in the now and talking about present day is the right way to go. Jesus always dies for our sins each year and rises up on Easter Sunday. I said in the latest installment of my "Through My Eyes" youtube series that when I got sick, I had no one. That is true, I had no one here on earth. But I always felt jesus from afar, next to me.
It is so weird to think in 2 weeks i'll be dropping everything and getting operated on for the 6th time. Am I nervous? No, not for my surgery. Am I nervous about something else? Absolutely. Once I wrap this surgery and remission I am going to feel so weird. I've been in new Dom's shoes now for about 3 weeks and after this surgery I really get to bring him out and play. I don't really know how to live a life you guys. Like I said in the last chapter I have virtually no friends here in the bay area, so this will be interesting for me to put myself out there on a whole new level. I mean, I already started once I turned on a camera and started spilling my tea on youtube. Anyways, I truly am going to need this higher power to guide me as we both rise again within a few weeks apart. I went to a lunch recently, I went as an influencer. It was my first time going somewhere as an influencer. Geez, that was weird, a good weird. 2 of my good friends came from Arizona, they are pretty big influencers themselves. They made some connections here in the city and got us to eat at one of the most renowned pizzerias in SF. Never in my life have I gotten free food like that. Never have I gotten treated like I was a celebrity. I mean, when I did shows and had dressing rooms, I didn't feel like this. Maybe because i've been living with my feet on the ground for 4 years now, I stepped out of the zone I was once in. My friends have this slick way of being amazing. I was learning from their movements and conversations with the owner/chef, staff, and even a random guy on the street with his adorable dog. They were just so friendly and approachable. Me on the other hand, I was like that shy kid that is starting a new school. I was genuinely lost for words. I was virtually taking notes on everything. I don't even know how to land a spot as guest at a restaurant like this. I kind of do now, but let me tell you my heart just beats faster thinking about sending an email and making a phone call. Let's be real, i'm nervous of being turned down. For someone who has been turned down many times since he was 13, you would think I would be used to this by now. Absolutely not. This is a whole new industry for me. I never really played around the influencer industry til now. I'm Dom Baza I sing for people and talk with microphone in front of people, yet I am nervous to talk to someone on the phone to get a collab. Oh god, how embarrassing, lol. I got lucky that I get a little extension of not fully having to be new DB. Once this remission ends though, I swear that month to myself, I better start shedding my skin and spreading those wings. The problem of this all was I never managed myself. I had my first manager at 13 years old, my 2nd manager at 17 and my mom who has managed me all my life. Now I don't have anyone next to me. This whole blogging/influencer industry is strange territory for me. I've dabbled in it for 4 years now, specifically the last 2 years. 97% of my friends are influencers who don't live in the US and/ or live in the US but travel 95% of the time. None of whom live in California. So the only one next to me doesn't even live on this Earth. I took the train home by myself that day I met up with my friends. I have not taken the train in the bay area by myself. I did take the train in LA all the time by myself, but that was 6 years ago. Now i'm about to be 23 and let me tell you that was nerve racking for me too. Especially being blind in one eye, I was shook. I'm doing things and experiencing things that I'm not familiar with. I got a bad headache thinking about all this when I got home that day, but it was for the best. Someone I love told me, life doesn't surprise you anymore. That was the first time life surprised me in so long. I may have been the shy kid, but I know my best friend from afar was next to me holding my hand and telling me i'll figure it all out as I go. Even if I can't see Jesus, I know he's with me. He will be with me during and after this surgery too. I'm on a very interesting ride. I'm re getting to know myself and that in itself is a mental trip.
I've made mistakes along the way. Some mistakes I am most defiantly not proud of. None of us are perfect, even when I feel undeserving, I still know he's next to me. I know he won't judge me for mistakes I know i'm about to make. So thank you Jesus for taking a chance on me, even when I let you down. You are always here. This is a different kind of Easter. I don't feel so sad and sappy like i've been these past few years. I am a hopeful optimistic. No matter how nervous I am now, how nervous I will be as the months go on, I know someone up there is guiding me down the right path. I am fresh flower that has just bloomed. Like flowers that bloom it takes time for the right person to pick them up to care for and watch them grow even more. So I just have to let time do it's thing with me and my "millions of dreams".
PS: I made the bandanas. It is the shirt from my 2017 Easter look. I was going to donate it to goodwill but I got the idea to cut it up and make something new from something old, kind like a metaphorical way of honoring the new old Dom Baza. :)
Photographer: Joanna Wheeler
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
Book 2: Chapter 6