What I’m Wearing: (Head to toe H&M) Hoodie- The Weekend for H&M, Pants- H&M, Boots- H&M
“Nothing Without You”
Sometimes people come in your life for a reason. Sometimes they stay, sometimes they leave, sometimes they come back if they are meant to be. I find it very meta that someone like me who grew up with so many people in my life, to loose them in my high school years, spend a significant amount of time by myself in my later teens, and now in my early twenties constantly have my phone blow up with people that love and care for me, more than those people who left my life ever did. Out of everyone that I grew up with, I have 3 of them in my life still. I don’t even consider them my friends, they are my family. Last year I was blessed with an abundance of new people who came in my life and became my family as well. These past few weeks have really woken me up and made me see who was here for me. I see who picked up the phone to talk to me and be there with me during one of the most confusing times in my life. They offered me advice, when they already knew I would control the situation with class and grace, they were there for me regardless. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d be without you. This is for you… until album 3 releases one day…
Dragons. Dragons are strong, they can scare you or you can admire their, strength, grace and beauty. I was browsing through The Weeknd’s new fall collection and fell in love with this hoodie. I love the beautiful and badass design on the back of it. It reminded me of my friends who have become my family this past year. Jenny, Tonee, Tommy T, Cokes, Pete, Tommy F, Fen, Dar, Carolina, and others who may not be listed, but you know who you are. You know me better than a lot of people do. Although we live far apart, you have seen me in my happiest, strangest, and darkest of times. Yes, even when things seem to get better, you all know that somehow it gets worst for me. I feel like you guys are my dragons, and no not like Dany from Game of Thrones, you guys are not my kids, well.. Tonee could be.. lol, but he’s too advanced for his age, haha. Anyways, you all know what i’m trying to get at. It’s been a shitty 3 years for me, not even 3 years, let’s start the path of hell at 2010… But through all the years, my highs and lows, honestly you guys coming into my life was a blessing from a prayer that was finally answered. I was literally so alone. To my original 3, my sisters and brother, Courtney, Dash, and Jamie… you were the only 3 that stayed with me and I bet you feel relieved that I can talk to other people now. I shared so much of my pain with you and you literally saw me when I couldn't see at all... along with my family members who i'm close to as well, my cousins who I share a lot with, I gotta shout you out Joey, Braden, and Zach. I still have the core people I had when I was alone, but now I have the addition of everyone else. It took me a long time to trust people again. Last time I trusted people they stabbed me in the back and left me to bleed. I was humiliated in high school and I was devastated when I was let go from my career, when i was just getting started. All these people that hurt me to better themselves, shame on you all. It took me a long time to forgive you for what you did to me, i’m still learning to forgive. When I moved to LA, I was still alone. Fish out of water at 17 and still struggling to let down my walls because I was scared that once I did that, everyone would ditch me again.
There was just something different about everyone that came in my life this past year, something refreshing, something special. Something in the way Jenny has become my older sister that I can turn to for advice, because she knows what life is about and how to navigate it through the storm. She always says the right words and offers me an umbrella for the many tears we shed together. Then there is Tommy T who literally is my long lost brother. Tommy and I talk everyday at least 3x a day. Tommy has gone through some of the things I have gone through and I never thought I would find someone who’s life in some ways has been parallel to mine. He's my brother and he's very protective over me, I needed that in my life. Pete is literally the definition of peace. I honestly needed a friend who wouldn’t give me advice. Pete just listens and has a way with happiness that flows into every life he touches. I wish more men could be as kind, accepting, and loving as Pete. Peter Barron makes me want to be a better man and I'm blessed to have a brother in him. Tommy F, my other Tommy. He may busy striving for his best life, but this guy always makes time to listen to me. Even when we disagree, we have no other choice but to make it water under the bridge, because we honestly have been through enough personal shit to deal with drama between the 2 of us. No matter what I always feel like Tommy is out there somewhere in the world protecting me from afar. My sisters Co, Dar, and Carolina - All 3 very different and offer different perspectives on life. I needed some wisdom from strong and powerful woman and damn these woman here give me just that. Boss woman is what they are and what they always will be. Fen, getting to know you has been such an honor. You started out as fan who covered my song and I knew from the moment you sang my lyrics, I wanted this guy in my life. You inspire me to live and find a way to be free. Your journey has touched me and has made a mark in the form a brotherhood through us. Tonee, you are my little brother. You and me are very alike and very different at the same time. We both started our careers at young age, and we are both wise beyond our years. Sometimes you may not understand what we are talking about, but you still find a way to love and support us in whatever way you can. I hope and pray you will never have to endure the pain I have gone through with my career. I will always look out for you as if you were my own blood, same goes for all of you. All of you have made an impact in my life. No matter where life takes us and no matter what happens, you will always be apart of me in some way. You all know where i’m planning on taking my story next. You believe in me that I can do this, and I know you know that I will do it. I can’t let you down because letting you down, is letting myself down. I already let down my walls with you, and damn it feels good to have you all to talk to. These past few weeks have been very confusing, but now i’m awake. I’ve been asleep for awhile and you guys just wanted me to dream. I’m walking through the storm with my head up high and because of you I have shelter along the way as I continue my liberty walk.
Dragons. Dragons are strong. I look up to them and admire their strength, grace, and beauty. They protect those they love. My friends who have become my family have protected me and reminded me of my worth. I have been used so many times in my life and these people just want to look out for me. Sometimes others don’t get that, but I do. I understand these people on a level that no one else can. They say a mother knows her son in a certain way his father won't, a father knows his daughter in a certain way that the mother will never know, a lover knows their partner in a way their friend doesn’t know, a lover knows their friend in a way their partner will never know. We all know each other on different levels. It gives our life depth and makes our skin thick just like a dragon. When a dragon gives us a “flicker” of fire, we know they they mean business. My loved ones will burn down whatever walls have to be burned to lead me on my path to take back my thrown. Thank you all for believing I can reclaim what i’ve lost and a little more. I really needed you guys these past few weeks… I’m really going to need you moving forward… with what I do next. No matter what happens, you’ve already made your everlasting mark. I am nothing without you.
Photographer: Joanna Wheeler
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
Book 2: Chapter 3