What I'm Wearing: Socks: Dead Soxy, Blazer: H&M, Shirt: Cactus Man, Pants: Kenneth Cole, Shoes: APT 9
"Paradise (feat. Dead Soxy)"
Paradise, why am I talking about paradise? Just a few more days to go until Summer is officially over. Since you all know me by now, you know I love to include Easter eggs in each of my pages and outfits. Dead Soxy approached me in July to collaborate with them on several outfits that will be released throughout the Fall! Growing up I loved Glee. The Dalton Academy Warblers headed by Blaine Anderson, aka the impeccable Darren Criss, was my everything. When I saw this pair of socks that Dead Soxy had given me, I immediately thought of the Warblers school colors. I still remember Darren's first scene and song, "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. I would name this outfit "Teenage Dream" but it wouldn't fit or go with the theme of what I wanted to talk about. There was something about the Warblers that made me think of paradise and what paradise is through our eyes Everytime Darren Criss would come on screen I was reminded of myself and the dreams of doing what he was doing on screen. Seeing how happy he was living in his own personal paradise, inspired me daily and weekly. As Summer wraps up, I'm obviously going to reflect on the few good stolen moments, and the majority of the difficult ones. I did not have an easy Summer. My summer did not go as planned, but that story is for the page after this. Right now, I want to talk about Paradise and why I still have faith that one day i'll reach my personal paradise.
I'm am so OCD when it comes to my stories that I tell. It may not seem like it, but so much thought goes into each page I write. I start off by building the outfit around specific pieces and colors, thinking of a location that would bring the outfit to the perfect scenery, thinking of a song or songs that will best fit the page title and story, running to keep me sane before I shoot the outfit, shooting the look, editing the photos, pre planning my thoughts, and weaving everything into one to complete page that would fit in with the story so far. For me I have been living far from Paradise. Sure, I shot several outfits this past summer at the beach and that could be considered "paradise", but I was going through many different things behind the scenes and it gave so much more meaning and depth, even to the simplest of outfits that I put together and wore. I saw this shirt by cactus man sitting on the rack and knew it was the perfect piece to go with the socks from Dead Soxy. The colors blended well, but the designs were both different. The shirt has this pretty floral design that reminded me of summer and paradise, while the socks has the stripe design that reminds me of reality. I fall right in the middle of both, I dream of paradise. The ultimate goal in life is to be happy, happy in all aspects of my life. I will admit, I'm happy in some parts of my life, but i'm honestly disappointed about how other parts of my life is going. It takes a lot in you, it takes a lot in me to get through another day. I can't count how many times I just want to stop fighting, but when I reach that lowest point, I feel the spark. I picture my version of paradise. That version includes the feeling I get wearing the floral print, and the feeling of reality with the socks, both together, because both make me who I am. The rest of the pieces of this outfit, the blazer, the pants, and shoes, are just pieces that make up my armor. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I've learned i'm easily breakable. I have to protect my dreams of paradise from the harsh reality of the world.
Reality and paradise can be one in the same. You just have to keep striving for them to combine and connect. That's why I chose 2 different patterns that can combine and connect on a common ground. Right now in my life, I feel like i'm in a race with both. I can see glimpses of the paradise I dream of and I can see the shadow of reality following me. I want it to just be one cohesive feeling. Since I was a kid I've dreamed of being in the industry, being in love, being happy. I feel like my life for the past 3 years has led to a scattered version of those feelings. I just want the puzzle complete, like the prints on my socks and shirt, and whatever else I wear. They are complete, but i'm not complete. One thing I learned this past summer is i'm still not out of the woods. I'm still not at paradise yet. I don't know when I will reach my true destination, but "better days" have to come, there has to be a glimpse of light to guide me somewhere. I look put together, that's apart of who I am and the armor I wear, but man I feel like i'm struggling to find the common ground of the life i'm supposed to be living. One day I will reach my vision of paradise, but until then I must keep writing the story that you all are witnessing come to life. It may seem too much for me right now, but I don't know, and I won't know what the next pages, chapters, and books have in store if I don't keep moving forward.
Photographer: Joanna Wheeler
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title.
2 Years In My Life: Chapter 2