What i'm wearing: Jacket - men's flex windbreaker by members only , shirt - Apt 9, Pants - Good fellow
"Take Your Time On Me"
Oh how i've missed writing about how I feel. You know, I wrote a whole page prior to this and I scrapped it when I felt it will not be true to the story, if I don't keep this in real time and talk about my experiences that I am going through post surgery. I actually wrote this page by hand (yes with a pen and paper) and then had some help typing it into the inter web. It has been a week since I got my 6th eye surgery and it has been a very draining week. Before I went under the knife Members Only approached me to collaborate with them and choose some of my favorite jackets from their awesome collection. I have been an avid Members Only fan. In fact I wore a MO jacket on my very first single cover for September, which was released in 2011. As my past and present magically collides thanks to this classic brand, I think about the importance of this journey I am on, especially as I handle the pain I am going through.
Surgery 6 was not so kind to me. I had this same surgery done on my eye back in 2016. It didn't work, so here we are in 2018 and the surgery has been redone. I always ask to be put to sleep when I get my procedures. Sadly, the last one and this one had to be done with me awake. I want to start off with being honest about how I feel at the moment... I'm hurting, i'm really hurting. I didn't expect this much pain post surgery. I have been doing nothing but sleeping and attempting to watch movies. Instead the movies have been watching me sleep. This disease has taken me to and from hell many times over the last 4 years. Revisiting hell was something I was not fond of. As the doctor operated on me they had to keep upping the dosage of meds they were giving me. I vividly remember telling them how much pain I was in while they were sticking these knives and nettles into my eye. The last time I got this surgery, it was like an expensive facial and really not a lot of pain. This time, it was hard. I give myself props for making it out of that hospital. For a hot second, I thought I wasn't going to. It has been a week since I got this operation. I look like Frankenstein with this ugly eye patch and stitches covering my eye. At least I felt more like me in this MO shoot I did before surgery. One thing I continue to learn every remission, is who has been here for me. Over the past week I have been blessed with get well wishes from the likes of my peers, my friends and the blogging community that is building around me. This is the first time I have more people in my life going into surgery. I have seen who has called, texted and attempted to reach out to me. Some people that I thought would be here, I guess they forgot about me. That is okay with me. You see, the people who I have dealt with over the last few days are the people that I consider family. Literally 2 hours before I got operated on, my sister Courtney met one of my favorite musicians, Vance Joy. This girl went above and beyond to get him to record me a video so I could see it before I got operated on. That short video made me so emotional and beyond happy. I have always had a lot of respect for Vance Joy, this made me cherish him even more. For him to take time that he could have been signing autographs for someone, to leave me a short message, that meant everything to me. Courtney Johnson may not be my blood, but she has always been my family. In times like this I feel this great light shine over me. I may be down and out but all the good people that are in my life, make this fight worth while. Everyone has been so kind and patient with me, everyone has been taking their time on me. All these people that are standing beside me, near or far, although some may not be blood, they sure as hell are my family.
I'm looking at these photos and the jacket that I got to wear here. It gives me fond memories from when i purchased my own members only jacket back in the 9th grade, in 2010. That jacket shielded me from the cold that came my way as young teen. I was cast out during the 6 months that I was in public high school, I then got cozy with someone months afterwards and my members only jacket was there for the ride. I saw people come and go, friendships and the relationship end, but the jacket still remained when I came out stronger. That is why I wore that jacket I bought more than year prior to when "September" was finally released in 2011. It was a statement that no matter who comes and goes, I will always come out on the other side stronger than ever. I don't want to rush this remission. I can not screw this up. I just surrendered to be the best version of myself and do my best to live my best life. I need to heal the wounds of this surgery and figure out what the aftermath of 4 years of treatment, 6 surgeries and many days spent in pain looks like. As I enter my birth month I can't help but feel "Younger Now" . Now that this surgery is out of the way, I feel like i'm going to come out of this and truly be a fish out of water for the first time in a long time. The surgery was just a pause in my story and for the first time in a long time, I get to take the wheel and see what happens after I exit remission. Just because I got this surgery does not mean I am healed. I have Glaucoma for life, I'm still on the path to go blind. This surgery is just meant to help me out a little more so I can live my best life. I haven't lost hope that a cure will come for this disease one day. I'm gonna keep fighting, I have lot to fight for. No matter what path I choose after remission, i'm always going to be on the battlefield. Now that I got some new jackets from Members Only, they will be some of the statement pieces of this new Dom Baza's armor. Because the story and the show must always go on, just take your time on me and hopefully the ending of the story will end how it is supposed to.
Photographer: Joanna Wheeler & Dom Baza
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
Book 2: Chapter 6