What I'm Wearing: Jacket: Us Polo, Polo H&M, Shorts: Forever 21, Shoes: Ben Sherman
August 30th, 2017
I wrote this 3 days ago when I was down and out. Finally i’m back at place that I call common ground. I’m writing this forward because I will not edit the letter I had originally wrote. It’s important for me to share my emotions as they happen and this is exactly how I was feeling. I am so much better 3 days later. We are so much better, in fact stronger. The lesson of this all is that love is powerful. If you believe in love, anything is possible. Keep the faith and always have hope, that’s what love is built upon. I hope you understand the feelings I was going through. Thank you for being here for me.
Love, what does love really mean? It’s a topic that I want to start talking about more. Love is patient, love is kind, love brings out the best in us… it also brings out the worst in us. There are many different forms of love. Love can be between people, things, ourselves, the list can go on. Love can make us feel on top of the world, and love can be the death of us. Love is something always on my mind. The idea of love keeps me going, love gives me hope, hope gives me strength. Without love I don’t know who I would be. These past few weeks i’ve been having doubts in my life. I need to talk, I need to vent. I feel like i’m eternally screaming. It’s amazing how time works out, because this page couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve been needing to write this, to say these words. You put so much into something you love, you put all of your heart and soul into loving someone, but is it ever enough? Sometimes love can be a game of push and pull . We push hard for the things and people we love, and we will pull away when we let fear and hate take over our hearts. Love, let’s talk about love and why love makes us do the things we do.
I went to the beach to clear my head. I obviously have not been having the summer I originally planned. I knew when summer began, the plan I had would slip through my fingers. Life works out that way, things never go as planned. By now i’m used to that, ever since I got sick I had to get used of that. Days go up and down like the crazy roller coaster we ride daily. Yellow and blue, I always thought the 2 go together so well. Days have been more chilly lately. Especially in San Fransisco where the beaches are always cold. My jacket from US Polo kept me warm from the coldness that has entered my life recently. To go with it, I’m wearing a white polo for a sense of clarity and purity. Although life seems to be so shitty sometimes, I still believe it will get better. I talk about hope a lot, I have hope because my heart is built upon faith and love. Blue and yellow remind me of faith and love. They are package deal, blue and yellow can push and pull just like love. Wearing too much yellow can push away the blue, wearing too much blue can do the same. Like the jacket i’m wearing you have to find some common ground together so that you don’t end up pushing one color further away from the other. Sometimes when you close off and don’t open up, you push away from the person or things you love, you may have pushed them too far and it will be too late to try and meet together on the common ground you once shared. Love is about compromise. Compromise in a relationship, a family, a business, you name it. Love takes effort and once you let fear takeover then all the hard work you put into love slips from your fingers. The fact of the matter is, love is also fear. We get scared once we start too get comfortable. Being comfortable is unknown territory for a lot of people. For me when I feel uncomfortable I think of place where I can go and just breathe. For me that’s usually a stage, a studio, and the beach. When i’m at the beach my head always thinks straight. My mind is clean and clear and the sound of the ocean drowns out the sound of my pain. That Is why I took my push and pull jacket to the beach, so I can write these words I have been wanting and needing to say.
Love. As I said earlier in my letter, sometimes we put all ourselves into the people and things we love. I myself know this all too well. When I fall in love with a thing, a project, or a person, I fall hard. I fall so damn hard. When it comes to my music I fall, over and over again. When it comes to my personal life, I’ve only fallen in love once. I am in love, but I question the depth of the love a lot more recently. I have been through so much hell these past 3 years, I still am going though hell. I put on this show because that’s what I know how to do. I am an entertainer. I’ve always gone by the motto “the show must go on”. The show must really go on. If I pause because of a bump in the road, i’m only hurting myself more. No one is paying to watch the story of your life on pause. They want to see your life go on. No one has an easy journey. If you have an easy journey, then you really haven’t been living. When you learn to love someone, make sure you learn to love yourself first. I’ve always preached, LOVE YOURSELF first. When I was making “Let The Music Be Your Guide”, that was my motto. I always said that record was about learning to love yourself, that way when the time comes you can share that love with someone, share that love with the world. We all need a little more love in our lives. We put all our heart soul into the people and things we love. Sometimes we have to let our hands set them free, and if the love is true, the love will come back to you “safe and sound”.
Love, I am a man with so much love in my heart. There is nothing that I would’t do for those I love, for the things I love, and for the love I have for my inner hope and faith. My heart is strong, but it’s hurts sometimes. Even though it hurts, I know the love I have will keep me going and give me the hope I need to prevail in my strength.
Photographer: Joanna Wheeler
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title.
2 Years In My Life: Chapter 2