What I'm Wearing: Blazer - Sakes Fifth Ave, Polo & Sweater - Calvin Klein, Pants - Forever 21, Shoes - Apt 9, Watch - Daniel Wellington
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"Who Am I"
We are 3 weeks into the new year and I must say I feel like I have accomplished nothing whatsoever. Why would I say that? Well for starters, I started out the year not feeling well, felt healthy for a hot second, and as I write these words I am battling a wonderful relapse of this horrid flu. So I'm just going to consider January a nice warmup for the year that will actually kick into gear in February. I always felt January was the aftertaste to the beautiful ending of December. It is genuinely a very slow pace start and it is kind of the limbo month. I'm all for shedding my skin and letting go to powerful anthems, but I lay here in bed and wonder what is the rest of the 11 months is going to look like? Who am I when I come out of the other side? That is a question I am dying to get the answer to.
Last week I paced the guest room at my parents house wondering when and how I am going to move out of here. As a young guy who has been stuck on the longest extended vacation ever, I do not know how to move my story forward the correct way. Is there a correct way? I mean, I never followed the rules as written. I did things my own way. Then when I got sick I had to play the game of life by the doctors rules. It is interesting how February is almost here and knowing that is the same month 4 years ago, that my life took a completely different turn and ended up on another path. It is as if I am meeting up with that crossroad I was forced on 4 years ago when I traded the mic, the stage and producers - for meds, a cane, surgery and doctors. This time I have the backstory of both. I still have the voice, in my opinion even better and than before. I also have the strength from the pain. I reflect heavily in January due to it being national Glaucoma awareness month. But 2018 is different. I want to take control of the wheel and guide my story down the path it should have never strayed away from. I can't travel back to that moment 4 years ago and stop myself from going blind. I can however, take that moment and see how it can define me now. I'm trying to figure out how do I live the life I used to live, with the life I live now. I'm always honest when I write, so let's be real. I have no one to turn to in LA. As I start to try and map my way back home, I legit have no on there. I am going to feel like a fish out of water all over again. That makes me a little nervous. I wish I was lucky like some kids who have parents who have/ can make these awesome connections in the music industry. I was just lucky the last time. I feel this time I have to prove myself to so many people. If I were to pitch myself with Let The Music Be Your Guide, they are going to say this guy is pretty young with a fresh and wide perspective of the world. That is all still very true, but there is so much more to me now. My last record was released when I had just turned 19. I wrote it when I was 17. I now have all these songs that I have written since then. There is a whole story that has not been publicly told. Will the music industry accept who I am becoming? I am not the Dom Baza that the cd player plays anymore. I have his backstory but I have a completely different mindset as an adult. I have a complete unheard story as an adult. I have more grit, more layers and much more depth. I was told the songs I wrote at 17 would be timeless.. I believe that still, but are the songs I am writing at 22 as timeless as my older songs? I feel like my story now can be something even more people in the world can relate to. I just hope I am enough to give my story the justice it deserves. I hope I will be enough to live the life I haven't been able to live.
When I write in my diary here on mrdombaza, it is an outlet to express how I'm feeling. Right now i'm a little all over the place. It is mixture between the cough meds and the uncertainty of the road ahead. I'm ready to let go, I won't back down, but i'm honestly scared to question the future and the reasons why things turn out the way they do. I never question, but I do wonder. I'm given pieces like this Daniel Wellington watch that remind me that time keeps going and moving faster, much to my dismay. How can I find a balance between time and destiny? I have to figure out how i'm going to do things this year. I'm a little bit behind on the schedule that I planned for 2018, so I guess I have to adjust time and give myself a little more room. It is not even a complete month and i'm suffocating myself with the highs and lows of moving forward. Once this flu is out of my system again, hopefully I can start to get my life back on track. I started this journey as a boy with love in his heart to share with the world. "To Love Somebody" , to be loved, and to share that love is still a main factor of this journey of mine. I just gotta find out who am I now, how do all my broken my pieces fit together and ow do I make my brokenness shine within the beauty of its scars.
Photographer: Joanna Wheeler
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
2 Years In My Life: Chapter 5