What I'm Wearing:
Blazer: H&M, Shirt: Chaps, Suit Pants: Calvin Klein, Shoes: Calvin Klein
It's May, It's my birth month and it's my birth week. I sit here and reflect on the last 22 years of my life what I have done, what i have failed to do, and what I have yet to do. Every year as my birthday creeps up on me I can't help but feel a little bitter sweet. I haven't had a proper birthday celebration since 2012, when I moved to LA. The years following I was either busy selling my soul to the industry that dropped me, or in the hospital for my eye. Last year I celebrated with a quiet dinner at Pier 39 with my parents. This year, I don't want to do anything. I have a performance tomorrow, and that counts as a celebration, but I wanna talk, that's what I want to do. I want to vent, I want to clear my thoughts. So much has happened in the last year and I'm wearing blue for a reason. I jumped again, I finally jumped into the deeper end of the water. Here I am swimming, grasping for air, and learning to walk on water, once again.
Changing, what does changing mean to Dom Baza? Changing means once again jumping off the cliff into unknown waters. For the past 3 years since being diagnosed with Glaucoma, I started to get used of the regular routine. 10 meds a day (still 10), weekly hospital visits, endless needles in my eyes, more sleep than any human should be allowed (I swear, I get like 12-15 hours a day sometimes, due to meds of course). As my treatment started to wind down this year, I started asking myself, what now? My eye is working at 20%, i've been shoved out of the music industry, what do I do, how do I find my way back? The answer is keep changing. I started to bring back the LA boy I stored away in my heart by dyeing my hair, I started investing much more time on mrdombaza.com and becoming more creative with my posts and outfits, and in the process my heart and soul started giving me more new personal songs to write and hopefully one day share with the world. This whole outfit is to represent the body of water I have jumped into this past year. I wore this blazer before, in September 2015 (shot in May 2015) for my blog. I chose to re wear it when I was thinking back to where I was in that moment. I was 19 years old, going on 20 heartbroken and absolutely terrified because I was going in for a major eye surgery 3 weeks later. I remember the last time I wore this blazer we did a beach shoot. My eye was in so much pain, but I knew I wanted to shoot because I had to keep going, I could not pause the story that would eventually lead to this story. As I tried to grasp the pain I hid behind my glasses, I looked out to the water. I thought, somewhere out in that big body of ocean, is a new beginning, somewhere out there is the change I'm looking for. As I felt the ocean breeze, I broke down in tears, wiping them away with the sleeves of this blazer here. The blazer is a symbol of the water I saw, the sleeves with the dried tears represents the hope I had then and the hope I have now as the moment carries over to the recent changes in my life. The floral print shirt is to represent all the good things that have bloomed in my life this year. I up'd my game, I up'd my style, I up'd my presence. I made more friends than my fingers could count, I learned more about who I am now, and I fell in love, something I thought I had lost when I lost part of myself when Glaucoma came. So many things bloomed and I try my best to keep my flowers fed with water and love. I'm terrified that if I keep swimming then i'll be swimming away from them, but I know that no matter how far I go, just like Moana's loved ones, I'll always have them in my heart. The blue suit pants is there to represent, even though I am changing, I am still me. You can see me try my best to rock street wear outfits, but at the end of the day I'm still a pretty classy guy. I love my blazers, I love suit pants, I love my uncomfy fancy shoes, and I love that feeling of sanity that I still have apart of me that can't change, it will always remain the same. Speaking of shoes, these shoes from Calvin Klein. Oh how I love them. This is another call back to a "Frozen" themed outfit I put together in 2014. Queen Elsa came in my life at a time when I needed her the most. During the early days when I was settling in with Glaucoma I watched Frozen on endless repeat. I connected to Elsa on such a personal level. When they looked at her and felt victimized and terrified I saw myself and how people I was once close with, looked at me and thought I was some monster because of the things that was happening to my eyes. People I called my friends, turned their back on me and left me there to stand on my own. I had no choice, I still have no choice, I can't conceal and I can't tell myself to not feel. If no one likes that, then hey, it's not my problem. I'll let the storm rage on, because the cold never bothered me anyways.
22, on May 11th I'll be turning 22. So many changes over the past 22 years of my life. I have won, I have lost, I have learned to cope, with the pain, the loss, and the lessons learned along the road. I grew up pretty fast for my age. I don't act like most 22 years old should. People always say you should lighten up, go have fun, live like people your age do. I don't want to. That is not me. You will not see me out there clubbing til 3am, drinking my life away, or doing some other nonsense activity that won't help further my story. I see a bigger picture, I think everyone else is starting to see a little of what I am trying to paint. This past year has been more somber than others. I started my 21st birthday in San Fran, no I did not have my first legal drink. I don't drink heavy drinks. You give me wine and we'll be cool, you give me something else and I will kindly turn it away. I'm not the biggest fan of alcohol. I received my 5th eye surgery by July of last year, honestly It didn't help one bit... still the same docs... In August had a mini family reunion that opened my eyes to truly see who my family is. By October my presence on an app called instagram began to grow more. Come November... the 22nd I would enter my first adult relationship. By December I was blessed with more friends than ever. Along came January you told me you love me, and I love you. February hit a rough patch. March refreshed the page. April brought the change when the accident almost took them away. And finally May is here again, as I lead my life into bigger changes. After this week everyone outside of the pages of this story will know where I want to take the next chapter to. I know I want to make more changes. Changes for the better and hopefully not the worst. I'm scared you guys, but I'm also ready. I've been stuck in this same position for 3 years now. I'm ready for something new. Although it terrifies me, it's also exciting. I know where I want this story to go, but I honestly don't know what the next pages could have in store. Things change daily. I have to keep going to figure that out myself. No matter what, I may be old, and I may be young but I am not done changing.
Thanks for reading,
Thanks for giving me the much needed venting session,
"I feel it coming", more change will be coming as I head to 23.
Hopefully the change I'm looking for.
Until next time.
Photographer: Joanna Wheeler
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title.
Book 2: Chapter 1