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"Back To Autumn" (feat. Stories Untold Press)
I did it, I have successfully gotten in the pre Halloween/Autumn mood. We all know i'm really big on Christmas. I love Autumn and now that i'm all loose and everything, I really wanted to get in the spirit this year. Sure, I wear colors depending on what season it is, but I wanted to go beyond that. My nephews are young and they love the holidays. Growing up my mom always went all out for my sister and I. I used to love Halloween. As I got older it really sort of faded into the back of my mind. Now that I feel much more happier with life, I wanted to feel like child me, back to the autumn of my childhood.
Fairytales. There always seems to be a continuous call and response within in fairytales. There may be an ending, but nowadays things get sequels. I was highly disappointed in the ending life gave me last time around, so here I am flipping it upside down, like the hoedown throw down. It's been a very different kind of Autumn for me. I tried to have a good Autumn back in 2014, I really did try. I went to this corn maze in a town called Dixon and my photographer and I got really fed up. This maze was huge and it was extremely hot. I was wearing all denim and we didn't bring a pen into the maze to go over the map. We ended up getting trapped inside for nearly 2 hours. It wasn't until we found a pathway that someone physically made. We went through it and escaped from there. They must have gotten fed up like us. Anyways, it was one of the mast daunting and annoying memories from my early Glaucoma days. Now that i'm a bit more stable I wanted to experience a small corn patch. Unlike that horrid hell I went through. So as my response to my last life that I once lived, I found a new corn patch to counteract the previous life of mine. It's funny you would think that there wouldn't be something like a corn patch with hay rides in the middle of SF, but I was proved wrong once again. Somehow this city always finds another way to surprise me. I asked Courtney if we could spend the day there. A good old brother sister bonding, surrounded by the beautiful autumn colors bursting through the property. Seeing all the hay and the pumpkins took me back to 2014 when I last went to that corn maze. It hit me that part of the reason I was frustrated over my last experience was because it was still so fresh after Uncle John's passing, my firing, and the diagnoses of my disease. My Uncle John was my grandmas brother and my dad's god father. He was a huge part of our family and our up bringing. He had the most beautiful ranch in the country side of Northern California. We would go there almost every week. I loved spending summers there (that's where i met my "September"), telling ghost stories in the fall, opening presents in the winter, I hated allergies in the spring, but regardless, I have nothing but beautiful memories. My family was at an interesting place around that time. Uncle John passed away, mom and dad once again stepped up to the plate and did a lot for it, I was just diagnosed with Glaucoma and rolling down hill faster than ever. I had just gotten let go from the people I was working with, and we had to move everything out of the ranch because it was being sold to someone new. I tried to cover it all up by making it seem like I was living a normal life. We all know where that led. I wasn't ready to let go of my life, but my life was ready to let me go. It's sad but true. I cut a huge corner that day at the corn maze. Something I should have never done. I should have stuck it out and found my way out of there. I cut a corner and somehow my life got set back even more. I didn't know how to control my feelings back then. I was so sad with the fact that we just lost another family member, it felt like an end of an era... It was and I wasn't owning it. I just tried so hard to cover it up and runaway. So here I am now, 4 years later in a new town, owning it. As soon as I walked through Clancy's Pumpkin Patch, I felt like the me I should have felt like 4 years ago. I haven't cut any corners, I just gave in and felt for once in my life, I can take this in and enjoy it. I remember Uncle Johns ranch. I remember the garden with all the huge squash, the chickens in their coop, the go carts, the water slide, the hay fields. It's bittersweet when fall comes around, because I remember those feelings. But somehow they continue to live on in a new way. I got to experience just a tiny bit of that with Courtney at this pumpkin patch. I know somewhere up there Uncle John and all our loved ones that went before us, sprinkled a little magic so that way the sequel version of myself had a much more fulfilling moment. That way I get to go home and share more holiday joy with my nephews as my mom once did for us.
I'm forever grateful for my upbringing and the memories I had. Now i'm at a place where it is my duty to make new memories and use this 2nd life of mine to really live it out to the fullest. I have to. You know my nephews want to hear stories about our past and present and I want to make sure my life is worthy of the story that I tell them. That's why I always say, fairytales always have a call and response. Come every autumn, I don't want to fall back into that horrid place, I once was. Instead, I want to go back to autumn, the autumn of my childhood, so at least my nephews can feel a little of that magic.
Photographer: Courtney Johnson & Dom Baza
What i'm wearing: Overalls - Forever 21, Henley - Good Fellow, Boots - Apt 9
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
Stories From My Life - Chapter 8
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Stories From My Life
(APRIL 17- PRESENT)