What I'm Wearing: Jacket: Levis, Shirt: International Report, Pants; Kenneth Cole, Shoes: Giorgio Brutini
"Better Days (feat.Got2bGlued)"
Summer has come to an end. It's so strange and interesting how 3 and a half months can fly by so fast. 3 months ago I started a new chapter searching for my "Malibu", talking about the "people" around us on a "land made for you and me", living in a full circle moment where it was okay to "pretend" to be spiderman again, climbing a hill and "carrying on like santa fe", multiplying chills on these long "summer nights", "hiding away" from yet more pain and disappointment on this bumpy ride, feeling the "feels" of a younger me catch up to an older me, opening my heart and showing you a little crack in the door to "this love" of mine, raising awareness to those who need a sense of "safe and sound", the struggles of the journey to "paradise", and coming out alive with the hopes of "better days". As I look back at these past 12 pages, I reflect on how much I've learned about myself and my heart this past summer. I am actually glad it's ending. I need it to end so I can move on. I feel when it's over, it's done and something better will happen in the fall. I know they say sometimes, people fall in the fall, but I believe you can rise up with the beautiful colors of the leaves surrounding you and guiding you to a beautiful ending, to end a bitter sweet, difficult year. I realize as summer ends there just may be some glimpse of a better day starting on September 22nd. I'm 22 years old and I feel as if 22 has had it's up's and downs these past few months. But I turned 22 in May and I still have another 8 months to try and make the story how I want it to be. It's time to close another chapter, not my favorite chapter, but it's had it's moments. I see the good within some of the darkness of these pages. I learn from them, grow from them, and pray harder for things to get better.
One of the good things to come out of summer was this 2 outfit collab with Got2BeGlued. From my previous collab, you know this brand and I have a long history. Putting this styling cream in my hair to end the summer had me feeling like I was 13 again. My former friends and I would go for bike rides around the small town we lived in and talk about our hopes for the coming school year, starting the next day. I would wake up on the first day of school put in my got2bglued gel and hope for better days within the new school year. I have that feeling again. I know, you know how difficult my journey has been for me. From my disease, to my career, to my personal life, to my family, it's honestly a hot mess. I'm not ashamed to say that. I know my life better than anyone else, and i'm here in this moment trying to clean that mess up and get our lives back on track from all the bad. If something as simple as a styling cream can make me look appropriate and give me an extra sense of hope for better days, then I sure as hell am going to run with it. Through it all, i've always believed that there is light within the darkness somewhere. When I got sick I was down, so down. I wanted it over, I wanted to just not be seen and disappear. Then one day I got up and had this awakening. A voice in my head told me, god made this happen for a reason. Get your ass up and move forward. My mom always tells me to move forward when you are knocked down. I made a vow to myself to take this illness with the knowledge of my career in the music industry, the platform I have on social media, and make something positive out of the disease I was diagnosed with. It sucks being blind in one eye, but I can still see in one other. When things like this happens, seeing something like the ocean or a tall building, you don't take that for granted, cause you don't know if your gonna wake up and not be able to see it again. Thank you got2beglued for restoring a little bit of my heart from when I was younger. I needed that this summer, and I will carry that over into the fall and beyond on this never-ending journey.
I chose to do several callbacks to other parts of myself prior to getting diagnosed with glaucoma. Pink, Pineapples, and something that has never changed, the beach life. I saw this pink Levi's jacket and knew I had to wear it as apart of my final summer outfit. Something about the color pink is uplifting and happy. I need that going into fall. So much negative things has happened in my life these past few weeks, and I just need some brightness. The Levis is a callback because every year up until 2012, when I moved to LA. I would get a new Levi's jacket every September and wear it for upcoming performances I would have scheduled in the fall. Wearing this jacket gives me hope that someone would pick up the phone, doesn't matter if it's for music or fashion, someone would give some great opportunity that i've been wanting and needing. The pineapples is another callback for me. I'm sure there is a performance video on youtube somewhere. I wore a pineapple shirt at my last performances in the Bay Area, before I moved to LA in 2012. I saw this shirt and it reminded of the shirt I once had, and the hopes and dreams I had in that moment. I was leaving behind a life I knew, to go and live a better life, so I thought at the time. I loved that pineapple shirt, it reminded me of Guam, my culture, and my family, it was a sense of familiarness. This shirt did the same exact thing for me. I choose different pieces of clothing that make me feel something. If it connects my past to my present, then it's the right choice of clothing for me.
I couldn't have asked for a better outfit to end summer and give me hope for better days to come in the fall and beyond.
13 outfits, 13 pages, 13 various stories within a story, chapter 2 is complete. As you can see my journey is filled with many ups and downs. I try not to let the downs take over and demolish and overshadow the ups that I have. These past 3 and half months have been more difficult than I expected. I knew in June after I wrote the Malibu page, the story wasn't going to play out the way I wanted it to. My gut just kept telling me, this is not going to be the way you want it to be. Now as this chapter ends, I feel like for some strange reason the original journey I wanted to have this past summer, will now play out throughout the fall and beyond. Out of everything that i've gone through this past summer with my love and my family, there was a few good moments. I'll cherish those and share them with you in another story, but now it's time for the "Leaves that are green" to fall.
To Summer - I'm sorry we didn't have the best time this past summer, but you have given me a sense of hope through the dark times that things will one day eventually fall into place and get better. If that's all I could take as my summer momentum, then I think that's a pretty good souvenir to cherish for life.
END OF Chapter 2
the story continues with chapter 3 starting October 2nd, 2017
Photographer: Joanna Wheeler
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title.
Stories From My Life - Chapter 2
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Stories From My Life
(APRIL 17- PRESENT)