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"In Bloom" (feat. Madewll)
Today is my first day back in the hospital. After being away for the last 6 months, it feels so strange going back. It is kind of like an out of body experience for me. So much has happened. I'm stepping back here as a completely different person. It hasn't been the best day. I woke up and got into it, then found out Spider-Man was taken out of the MCU, only to end up here at hospital, back on my old stomping grounds. It really feels weird going down the hallways, that I have such bittersweet memories of. I remember when I first came to this specific hospital, Avengers Age Of Ultron was releasing that night. I went to my first appointment, only to find out how bad my eye truly was. I lost it. You know that feeling when someone dies? That's how it felt. It felt like I had been stabbed and I was dying. What happened afterwards, well that's been this whole journey i've been on so far. The last 6 months started out how I always planned for it to play out. I would say after month 2, things really flipped on it's head. I left this hallway 6 months ago, as someone who was willing to step out into the world as their truest self. Only to come back as that, but with a noticeable darker edge. I took my tests and whatever was needed for my eye. It was like going back to school. I'm all too familiar with this lifestyle. It was nice seeing my doctor and nurses, but I think we all can admit that life outside of the hospital has made me grow more into myself. Even if that self is currently evolving into something else. I'm grateful that by the end of it all, it was all good. I'm cleared to walk away from this hallway for another 6 months. Not the hospital, but this specific wing. Anyways, you get what i'm trying to say. I'm Cleared to go live whatever kind of life I can live, especially with everything going on right now. Last time I left this hospital, I was unsure of what was to come, but content with what I wanted to do. Today, I leave here feeling the same, but more. I leave here feeling unsure of how to make those moves that I need to make, in order to keep moving forward. I said that sometimes you have to bring the darkness out and let it shine, in order to recenter your heart, and even out yourself. I have to keep walking this path and seeing where this dark side can go. It will only lead me back to the light, that I need to somehow get a grip of, and meet right in the middle. Today was a reminder that life has it's ins and outs. Through the ups and downs, we change, we grow, and when we come back to a sense of familiarity, we leave and expand upon what once was, and make into something better. Just like the flowers in the spring and the summer, they are blooming. And as the leaves begin to fall next month, we shed whats needed and prep to bloom again in the coming months. Even if what we become, is something we didn't expect, and sometimes, hopefully most times, that is for the best.
Photographer: Courtney Johnson
What i'm wearing: Shirt - Madewell, Shorts - H&M, Shoes - Madewell
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
Stories From My Life - CHAPTER 15
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Stories From My Life
(APRIL 17- PRESENT)