Here we are at the very end of this story. Just a few more pages and i'll say farewell to this complex, fragile, and beautiful story, i've been sharing with you for the last 3 years. The time is ticking and I know I have to let go of this part of my life. However, I won't release my hands from the rope, without celebrating several times. Family. Some are blood, but most of the time, you make family on your own. Who you love and who you choose to love, becomes so important to your heart and soul. My siblings. Braeden and I are actual blood, I share no blood with the rest, but that doesn't make them any less of my siblings. They are my brothers and sisters. Through and through, they are my family. I'm so lucky that i've gotten to grow up with Courtney, Dash, and Jamie. Of course my brother, Braeden and I literally have grown up together. I mean I was there when he was born, lol. Danny and Steven came along the way and impacted me the same way as my other siblings have. Also s/o to my other brothers, who aren't included in this because they are not in California, and our stories is nowhere near over... ahem, Dan, Jesus, Xav, Sammy, Pete.... and the rest of you that i'm really close to. I love you boys, and can't wait to continue expanding brotherhood with you all. This entry is to honor to my California siblings, my best friends, and the core family that I tell everything to.... and i mean EVERYTHING
Last night we all went out to celebrate the ending of an era here in SF. It was my "farewell, SF" dinner. How crazy is that!?. Jamie and I have been wanting to go to this very special pizza place called, Mozzeria. The whole staff is deaf, and it's such a unique and special place to visit. It's also one of SF's top pizza joints. They had vegan options! I was already on board for the whole dinner. At this dinner, it wasn't just to celebrate me. It was to celebrate the bonds i've made with my siblings over the last 24 years. As I sat and waited for my vegan pizza, I thought about each and every one of them and the memories that will stick with me for life. So, i'm gonna call them out one by one. The boys, got their own entires over the last chapter. So theirs, will be more brief. My sisters, however, did not. Either way, I have a lot to say about everyone. When do I not?... lol
My sissy Dash. It's been a rough year for us. Since we left New York, we walked back into a shit show. Somehow we have stayed alive over the last 8 months. I don't know how, but we fought on through. You escorted me to New York, so I can have someone with me, while I got a taste of what I eventually fell in love with. Little that we knew, the airbnb that you chose, would lead me to my apartment where i'll now be living. All thanks to you, choosing a new place for us to live after our hellish first airbnb in Jersey. We have been together since we were kids. It's been 17 years with you in my life. From day 1, you became my sissy. You and I always say, we are family. It's true, we really are. I've seen you through your hard times, you've seen me through mine. I was worried to leave you behind in California. It gives me comfort knowing that you have your flight booked to New York for early January, so we won't be parted for long. Do you remember when we were kids at Angel Island? You were so scared to go down the tiny hill. Britney's dad had to carry you down because you were so freaked out. Your'e still scared of heights, but look at you standing on top of these heights that you have faced this year. I'm so glad that I got to see my little sister grow up into this no fucks given, badass woman. Yes, I know you're older by a week, but you're my baby sister. I will always fight and protect you. We both may now be deformed in a way, but this is the strongest we both have been in so long. That's why i'm okay leaving you. I know once I leave, you're gonna take that jump into the deep end and become everything you have ever wanted to be. No matter where I go, my doors will always be open for you. No matter where we both live, we always find our way back to each other. That's never gonna change. I can't wait for the day that my kids will get to hear stories from auntie dae dae, about how daddy and her grew into who they are. I'll always be here for you. I'll always be your big brother. We are family, always. I love you, my sissy. Thank you for our relationship and our bond, that spans longer than any storybook ending.
Braeden & Jamie.
My brothers. I'm so lucky that I get to call you both my family. I can never not say that. You both see me on different spectrums. For Braeden, i'm the older one setting the example. For Jamie, he sees me as the brother who has always been made for so much more than where he was placed. I just want to point out - Both of you jumped when the bad things happened to me, stayed by my side as I got hit hard with Glaucoma, took care of me in different ways, defended and stood by my side, through every hard time, showed up within the 24 hours that I got hit by the car and almost died. That says a lot about both of you. You never left me, when most would. We have our inside jokes about people and things that we don't care for. We have so many special memories, from rooftop nights to star wars premieres, and every little quiet moment in between. We have so much love that goes beyond most relationships within a family. Growing up I always wanted brothers. Brothers look out for each other and they have bonds stronger than most friends do. Dover gave me Jamie. Since we first met in the locker room, it was evident that he would be apart of my life, long after PE was over. God did good when he gave my nina, Braeden. I ended up with a first cousin, a god brother, and as we got older, a best friend, and just straight up my brother. I tell both of you, everything. Sometimes you just listen, sometimes you speak, but all of the time, you already know I find a way to get the answers myself. Still, you listen, and you're there. You've always been there, and I know you always will be. My greatest hope is that I make you proud. One of my biggest fears is that you see less in me, because you've always seen the most in me. Disappointing you, would mean disappointing myself. I won't let that happen. Thank you both for physically guiding me to the finish line of this story, and picking me up and reminding me that i'm a human, still learning to live. But most of all, thank you for accepting me as I am, and as your brother. I can't wait for our more evolved versions of ourselves to make more special memories, beyond anything we could imagine. I love you always, my brothers.
Steven & Danny.
One I consider a mentor, the other, i guess I'm kinda the mentor, lol. How lucky am I that both of you came into the fold of my story. Everyone knows I've always loved Steven since the moment we hit it off for our HEAL program interview. From that moment on, I knew I wanted that dude as a little brother. I said it a few pages back, but our bond that we've created is something that I cherish with all my heart. It may not seem like it, but I've learned a lot about life from him. He took me for a walk around downtown Oakland last year, and I got to see a whole other side of life on that short walk we went on. It really impacted me and helped plant the seeds for me to want a more diverse kinda life, in my own little corner of the world. Just on the other side of town, Danny, came into my life. I remember when I first met Danny. We went for dinner and our bond was clearly so natural. I told him my life story within the span of 3 hours. Not once did he judge me. Since then, we've shared many toasts and tea along the way. Danny showed me that what I bring to the table is enough, and if no one understands that, then they don't need to be apart of my life. I vent a lot to both of them. I'm bad at texting both of them. But, they never complain. They know that i've been swamped lately. Just because we don't talk every day, does not mean i'm not grateful for every moment made together. I didn't have a relationship with either of them prior to writing once upon a time, way back in chapter 1. I'm so thankful and beyond grateful that they both came in my life as my story progressed. Now as I leave SF, I leave with 2 more brothers for life. Thank you both for showing me parts of the city that i've never seen and within those parts, you both helped me discover so much more, that I never knew I had inside of me. I love you both, and like I said, this is not the end for us. You both mean everything to me.
My little sister. When it comes to you, I had a hard time thinking about what I wanted to say. I've been asking you, are you gonna be okay without me when I move? I should really be asking myself, am I going to be okay without you when I move. You're my right hand. You’ve been my little sister since we were kids. Then you left for a little, then you came back, and as adults, we really have become closer than most blood siblings. You and I have taken over SF within the last year and a half of this story. Through everything, we've created so many memories, and an even tighter bond. We talk every single day, about every single thing. A lot of people don't have those kinda relationships, and I don't take ours for granted. Now that i'm moving, it's gonna be so weird not breathing the same air as you. I would love to have you near me for every second, but thanks for pushing me over the line to a whole new life. That you will still very much be apart of, no matter where I go on my own. We are apart of each other, and distance will never change that. I can't wait to see what you do with life while i'm on a new journey. I’m sure i'll get live text updates and long ass phone calls, as we still do, even though we have been in the same city, lol. I just want so much happiness for you, I want you to have the whole damn world. I know you will get that. I want for someone to be your equal. You don't need a man to take care of you, you're a strong independent woman. With your beautiful soul, the guys just line up, and I hope when the right one comes along, he's worthy of my baby sister. Unlike the frogs that came before him. If anyone ever tries to hurt you, i'll be on that first flight back to kick some beelard ass. I'll always protect you and be here for you. From advice to everything else in between, you got your bro on speed dial. I’m so lucky to be the kermit to your fozzy bear. That's never gonna change. Thank you for everything, thank you will never be enough. But it is where I can start for now. Remember, if it ever becomes too much, your home in Brooklyn, will always have the door unlocked for you. I love you, miss thang. Forever and always, your big brother, Kermie.
For now, I think I got most of what I wanted to say, off my chest, and outta my mind. The last 5 years and specifically the last 3 years, would not have been possible without everyone that has been by my side. I would not have made it out alive without my siblings. I would not be crossing the line and taking this big leap, if it wasn't for them, helping me to jump into the deep end. As we ended our night at the Bay Bridge lights. I'm reminded of how far i've come from the boy who would constantly come out to the docks and cry, because he was miserable. I stand here with my brothers and sisters, the happiest and the most at peace, i've ever been, during my entire duration in SF. I'm so grateful for every memory that we have gotten to make. These are the memories that will stick with me for life. No matter where I go, and what life I live, it's not living if it's not without them. They will be apart of my life, for life. There is no denying that.
Photographer: Courtney Johnson
What I'm Wearing: Jacket - Denim and Supply, Jeans - Forever 21
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
Stories From My Life - CHAPTER 16: THE FINAL PAGES
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Stories From My Life
(APRIL 17- PRESENT)