What I'm Wearing: Jacket - Good fellow, Polo - H&M, Chinos - Express, Shoes - Good Fellow, Socks - Happy Socks
The idea of a sailboat is so beautiful. Why? Because for a moment in time you can venture out into the water and let the wind guide you to unknown places. When I shot this look I originally thought it was going to be the start of a new chapter. As my life has been through a really emotional ride these past few weeks, I see this as an ending of sorts. I know you are probably thinking, an ending in the middle of a story? Well, we are not at the middle just yet, a few more pages to go. I just couldn't wait anymore for change to happen. I'm going through a lot and a lot is about to change as the weeks and months go by. I was originally going to wait to reach the halfway mark to make some noticeable changes. As I've learned these past few weeks, there is no better time than now to make those changes. Why wait? I've been stuck for 4 years. I'm tired of being stuck. I've been so down and frustrated because of everything hitting me at once, I ended up forgetting who I once was. I have been thinking so much about that boy that I once was. I miss him so much. I know I can't be him but I can honor him. I can combine who I was before with who I am now. What kind of person does that make me? Who will I become? Well, I'm ready to sail away and find out.
When I got sick I became more censored. Not my language, lets be real I drop curse words every day, haha. My actions, my style, and my brain became more reserved. I scaled back a lot. Scaling back was the right thing to do. But I can't anymore. I have been talking a lot more, venting a lot more and I just can't be stuck anymore. I have been suck in the Bay Area for 4 years now. I will get out of here, I know I will. But I'm still fighting this battle. That doesn't mean I have to be stuck while fighting. I use the word trying way too much. For 4 years I have been saying that I am trying my hardest to live a life with what I have right now. With some realization I now understand I have been doing. No more saying try or trying. I am doing, I am living, I am here. I'm just doing things in a way that i'm still adjusting to. I have been in the dark. I have been emotionally and physically scared of what the hell people are going to say. I let everyone get to me when I got sick. I let my past haunt me and drain me. For what? Why did I do that? I have been living in fear behind 4 walls for 4 years now. Yes I am sick, but I still have life in me. I am Dom Baza what the actual fuck is wrong with me? I feel like all these hits in the last few weeks has made me the most woke version of myself that I have been since I was 18. There are things i'm going to take from this version of myself and insert into this more whole version of me. Listen, I loved the outfits I have worn over the past few months. I'm not changing my style. I will change certain things though. The early pages of this book, let's be real... they are cringy as fuck. Who remembers my blonde hair that I got by accident. Thank god that its gone. At least the writing in those pages are great cause the outfits make my left eye go as blind as my right. I have grown so much this past year and after evaluating all 4 years and my past before I got sick, I know my younger self would not be proud of the life we have been living. It's not my fault, but for so long I felt unworthy of everything. I put myself down so much these past 4 years. ENOUGH. I'm standing up now and I'm sure as hell gonna live my truth. I feel like you guys have got to know me so much through all my outfits, my thoughts, my music, my words... but now i'm gonna "surrender". That is not a bad thing. I'm going to surrender to who I want to be, not who everyone expects me to be. I may not be living the life I wanted when I set out to do music as a career at 13 years old. But now... I'm gonna stand up and thrive with what I have. I'm going to thrive with what I can do with my current situation.
As my loved ones have been reminding me constantly, I am Dom Baza. I'm the son of a strong man and a fighter of woman. I do not fail. I always find a way to rise up and succeed. I have no clue what the hell I am doing, but i'm gonna do it. No more "I'm gonna try and do it". I'm just gonna do it. I'll never know until its done. If it works that is amazing, if it doesn't then I can say I learned from it and move forward. I have felt so deprived of loosing the later half of my teens and my early twenties. I'm basically an old man that is 23 years old. I can't deny that it stings not being able to live a life like them, but i'm special. I don't need to live like them. I don't need to put myself on their level. I'm on my own level. It just took me a second to really want to embrace that. I always knew since I was 3 that I stood out from the crowd. Now, I gotta own up to that. It's time for me to breakaway from the shyness I have built up these last 4 years. I'm not going to get where I want to be if I continue keeping my mouth shut. When I turn this page and sail way, I surrender and start living life how it should be lived. It doesn't matter if you are sick or not, you can still live a life. That is exactly what I am going to do.
In closing, We are not ending a story. We are just reaching the peak a little early. As Easter is right around the corner Jesus is about to die for all of our sins. We gotta remember he rose up and in the moment he was reborn to what he was always meant to be. These lows no matter how low they bring me down over the next few weeks and months, I gotta turn them into something positive. I have a voice that I have always been ready to use. I am ready to speak up now. I have been speaking up, but now i'm going to make sure that I am heard. I am worth it. I am worth everything that people say that I am not worthy of. I don't have anything to prove to anyone but myself, because I know I will rise above this all. I just have to let loose and make my own light. I can't get back the light that was taken from me, but I can make my own. So i'm not ending this story, it continues with a new chapter. I don't know what the next chapters hold, but there is still so much to this story of mine. Am I nervous? HELL YES. Am I ready for some change? HELL YES. This is not how I wanted to make a comeback, but those plans I had, to hell with them. I'm just gonna wing it and let the wind blow my sailboat in a direction that I'm meant to travel.
Let's begin the rebirth and reclamation of Dom Baza.
END OF: Chapter 5
Photographer: Joanna Wheeler
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
Stories From My Life - Chapter 5
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Stories From My Life
(APRIL 17- PRESENT)